I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
