if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
