I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
