your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
pray to the hookup gods
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
