Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
my liver is dry heaving
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
