he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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