shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
