he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
