Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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