i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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