happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i've created a new STD.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
