Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
