Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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