...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
