haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
