I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
