I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
