she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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