Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
