She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
