The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
