There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
