You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
