Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
