How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
