Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
