remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
try to milk me bitch
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