That's intense
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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