Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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