my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
