Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
