Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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