I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
