Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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