Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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