i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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