did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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