No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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