dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
