i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
