Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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