I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
