i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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