Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
