i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
