You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
