Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just pynch a tree in the face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
