You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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