All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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