My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
