dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So squirting runs in the family.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
