Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so that wasnt chicken after all
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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