so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
